I originally shared the content below on my Facebook profile (on the date in the Title). To understand more about the “Facebook Memory” posts, please read About: This Blog. Click here to see a full list of the Morgan Facebook Memories.
Last week we had a small, private service for Morgan. This choice was primarily due to how overwhelming the prior week and a half had been since his birth. We just couldn’t handle a large group of people – even if every single person was someone we loved and we knew loved us, too. It was just too much. So we realize there are many friends and extended family who were not there, who would have been there if the service were “open invite”. We know this. We appreciate this. And with that in mind, we wanted to share a little bit from the service. The following is a letter we wrote that Pastor Tom read out-loud on our behalf. (I couldn’t read it myself….would’ve been hard to understand me through the tears.) So here’s a little bit more of Morgan’s story.
Andrew and I were asked if we’d like to write a letter to Morgan. Honestly we don’t think we could say anything to him now that we didn’t say to him while we were holding him in the last few hours of his life. He knows how much we loved him, how much we wanted him, how much we wished he could stay here with us, and also how much we wanted him to meet his Heavenly Father instead of suffering in this world.
So instead of finding other things to say to Morgan here, I (Lauren) thought I’d tell you a story about him starting way back before he was born. I thought I wanted to keep all this to myself as something special just between me and Morgan, but now I think it’s important that I share it.
Some of you know I like to sing. I’m told I have a good voice, but I typically just like to sing to myself – like when I’m in the car or home alone. While I was pregnant with Morgan, I’d try to sing to him every day when it was just the two of us. (I say “try” because – let’s be real – some days I’d forget.) We sang everything from KLove radio, to Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood, and my favorite songs from musicals like Les Mis and Wicked.
But the first thing I would sing to him every time was a song I came across years ago during my freshman year in college. It randomly popped up on Pandora while I was studying one day. I loved it’s soothing sound and it’s beautiful message. I immediately thought “this would make a great lullaby”. So I stowed that song away in the back of my mind for when I’d have a reason to sing lullabies.
When we got pregnant, I knew I wanted to sing it to Morgan as much as possible because I wanted to see if he would recognize it when he was born. (I’m a dork and was severely entertained by conducting such an experiment.) It was a special song just between the two of us for months and months. Even Andrew hadn’t heard it.
There were a couple times last week where I had a moment alone holding Morgan. No nurses, no family, no Andrew. So I’d sing (or try to sing) his lullaby to him. His heart rate would calm down. (Sidenote: our heart rates go up when we are stressed or hurting. They go down when we are calm or relaxed.) So I think he recognized it.
On Thursday when Morgan was moved from the NICU into a room with us, Andrew and I got to hold him any time we wanted, and we got a lot more alone time with him. That night I sang Morgan’s lullaby to him, and Andrew got to hear it for the first time.
This song will forever be Morgan’s Lullaby to us. It’s the song I would have sang to him every night before bed. It’s message is beautiful and conveys many important things we would have hoped to teach our son as he grew up. Even though we didn’t have that chance, I think we still did show him these things in his short time here with us. The song has a hauntingly beautiful and even slightly prophetic ending. One I never imagined would be applicable so soon. But I’m so glad that it is true. I’m glad I have hope to see him again in Heaven, where the source of all Love resides.
Here is Morgan’s Lullaby… Love Never Fails.
(We played the song at the funeral service.)
