I originally shared the content below on my Facebook profile (on the date in the Title). To understand more about the “Facebook Memory” posts, please read About: This Blog. Click here to see a full list of the Morgan Facebook Memories.
If you’re ever wondering: “I wonder if it’s OK to reach out…”
The answer is always “YES.”
In my experience, there’s no such thing as “causing more pain/making it worse” by “bringing it up.” The pain is always there, and I’m ALWAYS thinking about him. Morgan is on my mind 24/7. It’ll never be over because I’ll never stop loving him. (“Grief is just love with no place to go.”) And every moment of the day it boggles my mind that everything can go on like normal when my world has shattered into a million pieces.
It’s lonely. And it’s exhausting.
But it’s easier to survive when someone asks about him. When someone shows me that I’m not the only one thinking about him. Suddenly I’m not alone in remembering my baby. It’s wonderfully freeing.
I’ve come to think of living with grief as treading water in an ocean.
Sometimes there’s storms overhead. The gusts of wind make giant waves that thrash you about and push you under repeatedly. It’s a struggle to keep your head above water and gasp for breaths between waves. It’s impossible to imagine life beyond that moment’s struggle to survive.
Sometimes the day is sunny and clear. The wind is steady, and the waves are practically non-existent. It’s easier to stay afloat and let your mind relax and recover from the battering of the storm. For a brief moment, you can think ahead to the future…because you’re optimistic enough to think there still is one.
But treading water takes constant effort – even on the sunny days. So you learn to ride the waves and hope for more and more time to recover between the storms.
So the best thing anyone can do is acknowledge. Acknowledge the pain. Acknowledge his life. Acknowledge that it’s so very awkward to talk about loss – especially baby loss. A simple “thinking of you” or “I’m so sorry” or “I’m here for you” goes so, so far.
It doesn’t have to be a lengthy or deep conversation. Just throw out a little lifeline of acknowledgement to someone treading water in an ocean for the rest of her life. One little floaty can make a huge difference.
P.S. Thank you, everyone who has been there. I (we) couldn’t do this without you.
